Writer Stefan Merken to an editor who had rejected one of his short stories:
Please forgive me for not accepting your rejection letter. At this time I cannot accept a rejection of my short story. I accept more than 99 percent of the rejections I receive. Many I don’t agree with, but I realize that accepting a piece of fiction for publication is a very subjective judgment call. My acceptance of your rejection letter is also a subjective process and therefore I am returning your letter to you. I did read your letter. I read every letter I receive. Your letter was well-written, but due to time constraints from my own writing schedule, I am unable to make editorial comments. I do make mistakes. Don’t you, as an editor, be disheartened by this role reversal. The road of publishing is long and tedious. You need successful publications and I need for successful publications to print my stories. I will expect to see my story in your next publication. Good luck in the future.¹
Merken’s letter reminded me of a story, possibly apocryphal, that Neil Postman relays in his 1988 essay collection Conscientious Objections in order to illustrate that “there is a measure of arbitrariness in every definition and that … an intelligent person is not required to accept another’s definition.” The story goes like this: a student applies to Columbia University but is rejected. In response, he sends the following letter to the Dean of Admissions:
Dear Sir:
I am in receipt of your rejection of my application. As much as I would like to accommodate you, I find I cannot. I have already received four rejections from other colleges, which is, in fact, my limit. Your rejection puts me over this limit. Therefore, I must reject your rejection, and as much as this might inconvenience you, I expect to appear for classes on September 18….
Next time I’m rejected for something, perhaps I will reject the rejection by sending out a similarly-worded letter. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?
———
¹ Brian Doyle, “No,” The Kenyon Review, Spring 2008.
Worst rejection ever was the word “NO” stamped on my cover letter before it was stuffed in the SASE. :)
I don’t know “what’s the worsE that could happen?”, but wouldn’t it make more sense to ask “what’s the worsT that could happen?”
Good catch, Christian. Thanks. I fixed it above.